A case study of friendship - 1 Samuel 20
This is a sermon by Peter Birnie from the Riverside Church service on 22nd September 2024.
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1 Sam 20 “A case-study of friendship”
Intro
(Slide 1) Often in life it is very difficult to picture accurately something that is being described to you. In the CFBS today we saw that to be true – description helped us have a vague idea of what the person was talking about but seeing the thing for ourselves was so much better. And that doesn’t just go for seeing but for the other senses too. I remember back in St Johns days different preachers using the example of honey in this way (Slide 2). Trying to describe the taste of honey to somebody who has never had it is very difficult but once you actually get to taste it the flavour is unforgettable, in fact honey is then used to describe other things – “that is sweet like honey.”
(Slide 3) So far in this sermon series we have seen that since God is the God of loving friendship, since he brings his people into loving friendship with him by Jesus’ blood, since he fills his friends with power to be friends to others then our friendships in church should be close, and costly and they should be a way of us contending (fighting or wrestling) together for a deeper love of Jesus. John 15 and then Colossians 4 have already done us a lot of good as we talk more openly about friendship, as we give thanks for the gospel friendships we do have and seek to grow them deeper, as we feel the lack of the ones we don’t and begin to pray about how to find them. God’s word, unsurprisingly, is at work amongst us as the Holy Spirit convicts and changes us and gives us hope for the future.
(Slide 4) But description alone often leaves us a bit vague doesn’t it? We want to see deep godly friendship in action and even better than that we want to taste deep godly friendship for ourselves. And so this week we have a case-study of friendship in David and Jonathan. What a picture this account paints for us as it helps us fill in some of details that our own minds have maybe left blank so far.
But even more than showing us close, costly, contending friendship in action, I pray that God’s word today will create in us a deep hunger to taste this type of friendship for ourselves. I pray that David and Jonathan will inspire us to love Jesus in a deeper way and to pursue genuinely deep friendships with one another that bring with them loads of blessings that other things can’t deliver. So if our main question in week 1 was “How can I be a good friend to others?” and then in week 2 was “How can I help my friends love Jesus more?” then this week the question goes like this; “How can I be a Jonathan in my friendships?”
1) Godly friendship offers SECURITY
(Slide 5) Firstly then, Godly friendship offers security. Where we join David’s life in 1 Sam 20, he has already been anointed by Samuel as the future king, he has fought and killed Goliath and been added to King Saul’s entourage, he has become firm friends with Jonathan, Saul’s son and the next in line for the throne, and then Saul has grown to hate him and begun to try to kill him. Saul’s heart is increasingly bitter and twisted – he has turned away from serving God.
Where is David going to run to with the bloodthirsty King on his trail? He runs to the King’s son, Jonathan, his dear friend. In human terms this should be a very risky decision since Jonathan is next in line to the throne and so surely it would be in Jonathan’s interest for David to be disposed of. When it comes to power and prestige, men and women are not known for their faithfulness are they? (Slide 6) But David is safe with Jonathan because Jonathan loves him. What security he must have in this friendship, what trust there was that in this time of threat and deep trial David put himself at the mercy of one who could hand him over to his father in an instant.
In verses 2-4 Jonathan can hardly believe what David is telling him about his father Saul, this must have hurt a lot. But he does what a friend should do, he is there for David, he listens to David, he allows David to pour out his heart – look at verse 3 where David lays it all out; “As surely as the LORD lives and as you live, there is only a step between me and death.” How will Jonathan respond to such terrible honesty? The way he responds again speaks of the great security that is a hallmark of genuine friendship, v4; “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.” Jonathan knows his friend well, and so he takes him at his word even though that word concerning his father must have been so difficult to listen to.
(Slide 7) This is the belonging and encouragement we have been talking about in John 15 and Colossians 4 at work, this is it acted out for us to see and to follow. Jonathan here is a proverbs 17v17 man; “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for times of adversity.”
I love that verse in Proverbs because it elevates friendship properly – the boundaries are blurred between friends and brothers. This is friendship not as the world generally sees it but as Jesus teaches in John 15, friendship characterised by love (Hesed type love – self-giving, affectionate, sacrificial love). The security that David felt in running to Jonathan is the security that should characterise relationships in Christ Church Riverside (this is not fluffy feelings, this is the deep need for believers in Jesus to be safe and secure, to belong). We should know that we are safe pouring out our hearts to brothers and sisters in this church family. We should have the security that our Christian friends will want the very best for us in any situation. Who do you run to in times of trial? Who runs to you in times of trial? (Slide 8)
- Times when others hurt you (comfort and forgive)
- Times when you forget who you are in Christ (reminder)
- Times of struggling with singleness (need for intimacy)
- Times when you are giving in to sin (serious challenge, gospel repentance and prayer)
- Times when you are confused by God’s plans (listening, patience, pointing to present reality and future hope)
- Times of illness and depression (character, encouragement, perseverance, prayer)
- Times of mourning (walking with in the right direction)
Jesus embodies and empowers this type of security. Our souls are safe with him. He is our refuge, he knows all of our sins, yet he is still our saviour, our friend, our brother. His Spirit works in his people, so we bring our friends to him for safety!
2) Godly friendship requires HUMILITY
(Slide 9). How has this friendship got to this level of trust? It is because it is marked by deep humility. Though Jonathan is the crown prince, early in his friendship with David he did something extremely significant, let me read you this from 1 Sam 18v1-4 (Slide 10). What we have going on here is Jonathan handing over his rights to David, Jonathan wanting for David what God wants. Royal robe, tunic, sword, bow, belt all transferred willingly from Jonathan to David. Jonathan is prepared to give up his claims to being the future King and actually covenants with David to that aim. Jonathan understands that deep friendship, loving friendship means serving the other person, seeking the other person’s good, wanting for the other person what God wants for them. Jonathan’s humble heart is the perfect incubator for deep love to grow.
Contrast this with Saul’s jealous and bitter heart in 1 Sam 18v7-9 (read). Saul cannot stand David being given the praise of the people rather than it all going to him. His son Jonathan on the other hand will not stand for being the future King when that is God’s plan for David. Humility and other-person service does for the heart what fertilizer does for plants (Slide 11) – it promotes love, it grows friendship. Pride and serving-self acts like a weedkiller, destroying plants instead of feeding them – Jonathan was humble and love grew, Saul was proud and his heart shrivelled up and became bitter.
Once again it is Jesus Christ who both embodies this humility and empowers those who are united with him to be humble. Read Philippians 2 v 5-8 (Slide 12). His humility led to our salvation, his death has led to our eternal life, his leaving aside of glory, has led to us being glorified. We are to be a church family filled with this power and deliberately cultivating this mindset. Look around at the people God has placed in this church family, think about the brothers and sisters in your Life Group. Do you expect them primarily to serve you or is your mindset the same as Jesus’, full of the humility that will allow you to pour out your love and care upon them no matter what you initially get back (response will come I trust)? (Football social – good example of how to humbly serve others at your own expense. This will grow love and maturity!). Godly friendship requires humility.
3) Godly friendship is built on LOYALTY
Perhaps the characteristic that most readily springs to mind when you think of the loving relationship between Jonathan and David is loyalty (Slide 13). Godly friendship is built on loyalty. This is a loyalty that is seen clearly in 1 Sam 20 and then taught explicitly by Jesus (Matt 12, Mark 3) – a loyalty that goes deeper than blood relationships. Godly friendship will disrupt family life, there are costs to be paid to be loyal friends. Look at verse 30 where Saul’s anger “flared up at Jonathan” to the extent that Jonathan suffered what David suffered – a spear hurled at him in fury (v33).
What is Jonathan having to do as he and David put this plan together in this chapter to find out Saul’s true intentions? (Slide 14) On one level he is having to choose between keeping the peace with his father by maintaining the status quo at home, and protecting and caring for his friend. But on another level he is having to make the costly choice between a life of comfort and ease and a life of honouring God. He is having to take action that will bring conflict, he is having to take risks where he might get hurt, but that is right because he is protecting and caring for his friend. So determined is he to do this that he has covenanted to continue it. Godly friendship, loyalty to the family of faith will disrupt family life.
(Slide 15) Maybe the choice for us won’t seem quite so stark – probably nobody here will have a family member throw a spear at them, but every believer in Jesus has a new loyalty that surpasses all other loyalties. Lots of you feel this keenly because you have unbelieving family members who don’t really understand you, who suspect the church is a bit of a fanatical cult, who wonder why you want to invest in a bunch of such strange people! But you must keep investing in God’s people, you must keep growing in deep loving friendships with others united to Jesus. God makes no mistakes – family life is very important but your blood family are not to be all-consuming, you are to invest in them and love them of course, but if you are in Christ then we believe him when he says “Here are my mother and my brothers. Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” There is a new Spirit-given loyalty in our lives – loyalty to Jesus and his blood-won family.
(Slide 16) Soldier saying “I knew you would come back!”. Jesus once more embodies and empowers this level of loyalty. He left his father’s throne above. He stayed on the cross until it was finished. He paid the price of loyalty to his friends. And now he is with us against our sin rather than being against us because of our sin. His loyalty to us meant that the danger and threat that sin is to us, he took on himself. What a friend he is to sinners. But that same loyalty is to flow through our church family because the same Spirit is at work – we are to recognise the severe danger sin is to God’s people and we are to step in, take risks, be loyal to one another. We are to want no part of our friends to be damaged or captured by sin. Do you have a friend wandering away from Jesus right now? Is loyalty to them going to get you jumping out of the helicopter to try to bring them back? Godly friendship is built on loyalty.
Conclusion:
The greatest thing we are to act on from this sermon is this
(Slide 17); We must approach Jesus (the true David) as Jonathans. Everything
is yours, I want you not anything else. This is so so sweet (Matthew
11 – a yoke but a gentle yoke, Lordship that is so good for us, the one
person who is trustworthy enough to be in charge of our life being in charge
of our life). How can I be a Jonathan “gift from God” to
others? (The people around us who are not friends with God are to
see in our friendships what we are describing as we proclaim the gospel.
CC Riverside are to close the gap between description and sight and in that
way we are to richly commend the gospel of Jesus Christ to our city. Our friendships
will have a big impact on people.)
Today’s sermon 1 Sam 20 “A Case-Study of Friendship”
Intro: Describing, seeing, tasting
1) Godly Friendship offers Security
20v1 “he (Saul) is trying to kill me”;
- David flees to Jonathan
- Jonathan is the next in line to the throne
- But David is safe because Jonathan loves him
Pr 17v17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for times of adversity”
- Church family to be a place of safety, belonging and security
- Jesus embodying and empowering this security (He is our refuge)
2) Godly Friendship requires Humility
1 Sam 18v1-4: “And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.”
- Jonathan serves David
- Jonathan wants what God wants for David
- What a contrast with Saul’s attitude (18v89)
Philip 2 v 6-8 “he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.”
- Jesus embodying and empowering this humility
- Church family to be filled with people wanting the best for one another
3) Godly Friendship is built on Loyalty
20v32 “Why should he (David) be put to death? What has he done? Jonathan asked his father.”
- Jonathan’s loyalty to David disrupted his family relationships
- Jonathan’s loyalty to David led to action and risk
- Jonathan’s loyalty to David meant protection and commitment
“Jesus is with us against our sin rather than against us because of our sin.”
- Jesus embodying and empowering this humility
- Loyalty to be clearly seen and felt in the Church family
Conclusion: Being a Jonathan (Gift from God!)
Memory verse: 1 Sam 20 v 42
Jonathan said to David, ‘Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD.”
Read 1 Sam 20
Bonus question: Why must we approach Jesus the way Jonathan approached David?
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