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The goal of friendship - Colossians 4

This is a sermon by Peter Birnie from the Riverside Church service on 15th September 2024.

Click here to read the bible passage. Click here to use larger text.

Colossians 4 “The goal of friendship”

Intro: (Slide 1) It is a bit of a stereotype that men never want to ask for help when it comes to asking directions. The reason it is a stereotype is that it is so often absolutely accurate! But let me qualify that statement just a little – I reckon about 99% of the time it is true. I don’t want to have to ask someone for help getting somewhere, I would rather blunder about for a while, make a few wrong turns, put up with the coldness and just about masked despair from the passenger seat and the outright abuse from the back seats, rather than have to enlist someone else’s help.

But then there is the 1% of the time when anyone, male or female, young or old, wouldn’t just be ok with getting help but would actually be crying out for it. Imagine a mother is about to give birth in your car (Slide 2) – would you have any hesitation at all in shouting out the window, “Where’s the hospital?” Of course not. When the stakes are high then we will do anything to get the help that we need! Are the stakes high when it comes to our relationship with the one true God?

Here is how high the stakes are in the apostle Paul’s understanding as he writes to the Colossians (Slide 3); “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.” Col 2v6-8.

Paul writes to the Colossians because the stakes are so very high. They are to remain in Christ (Jesus’ teaching in John 15), they are not to let anything move them from Christ, they are never to look for anything else but Christ. The danger Paul is desperately warning them about is the danger of leaving Christ, being taken captive by other things that aren’t Christ and so cannot save. This is the 1% category where the stakes are so important that asking for help is a must. And that is where Christian friendship comes in. The goal of Christian friendship is exactly what Paul is writing to the Colossians about – we need to help each other deeply in keeping Jesus at the very centre of our lives and thoughts and ambitions and decisions.

 

(Slide 4) Last week we had the costliness of friendship (Jesus laid down his life for his friends and we are to do the same) and the closeness of friendship (our friendships are to be deep and fruitful, full of love). This week we are adding another ‘C’ to that list – our friendships are to be full of contending for the gospel(Slide 5), that is, we are to be a huge help to one another to make sure that we never stray from Jesus. If we don’t think we need help in this area then we won’t really see the need for close and costly Christian friends in our lives, but if we get this, if we realise the size of the stakes then friends to help us along the way will move way up our priority list! Then our question will become “How can I help my friends to love Jesus?”

 

          1) Help each other love Jesus with our AFFECTION

(Slide 6) One of the ways we contend in this area of helping our friends to love Jesus more that is clear in Colossians 4 is by growing in affection for our friends. That might not sound very important to you (British stiff upper lip etc) but actually a genuine affection for one another is a key part of what we need to keep going as believers. Do your friends know that you love them – do you affirm them, do you put into words sentiments that point to the affection you have for them? Jesus’ command to love each other certainly does not change us into Robots who are to be nice to each other through gritted teeth. Instead, the loving relationship that Jesus brings us into with God results in genuine affection springing up in a Christian’s life for other believers.

 

So at the end of Paul’s letter we get Tychicus described as a dear brother (v7) and Onesimus as a faithful and dear brother (v9). Aristarchus, Mark, Justus, Epaphras, Luke and Demas send greetings and Barnabas is to receive a warm welcome (v10-15). Paul, as he suffers for proclaiming the gospel and for loving Jesus has comfort because of these friends (v11). Luke is described as “our dear friend” before his status as a doctor is mentioned (being a friend more important than being a doctor!). Then Paul has greetings of his own to send to the Laodicean Christians and particularly to Nympha and the house church there. Paul wants to make sure they feel this as personal and so finishes by letting them know that rather than using a scribe for the end bit he is writing it himself.

(Slide 7) Perhaps for some of you this first application is the most obvious thing in the world – but here it is anyway; part of taking God at his word today and valuing friendship the way God values it will mean us taking steps to grow in affection for one another – steps that involve words and communication. In a minute we are going to come on to serving and suffering together and committed prayer, all of which require a sacrifice of time, but this first application involves more of a sacrifice of our pride. Why is it so hard for some of us to tell our friends that we value them, that their Christian friendship matters to us, that they are dear to us (to speak that out loud)? These sort of words will grow the affection that we have for one another.

 

For Paul, making loads of gospel sacrifices, seeing the inside of prison cells, going through shipwreck and beatings and severe opposition, affectionate friendship has become a key part of him keeping loving Jesus and feeling the comfort that faith in Jesus brings. Remember how we finished last week – followers of Jesus do not belong in this world, and the more we as a church family live wholeheartedly for Jesus the more we will see that this world is not our home, so it is vital that we feel that we belong in the church family. As affection is highlighted by words it will grow and we will really know where we belong, and so will be able to pour our lives out even more for Jesus. One of the ways that we are to contend and battle in this area, one of the ways we can grow CC Riverside in this area is to use the sort of words Paul uses to build one another up. How can I help my friends love Jesus? With affection!

          2) Help each other love Jesus with our ENCOURAGEMENT

So words are needed but of course not words alone. James warns believers in his letter not to just say to people in need “Keep warm and well fed” and then not to do anything about it (dead!). (Slide 8) We are to help each other love Jesus more by serving alongside each other, by being encouragers of the good (literally we are to give courage to one another as we serve God practically together). Paul’s affectionate list of gospel friends is also a catalogue of gospel workers. Tychicus is a faithful minister and a fellow servant in the Lord. This is work language. And Paul is sending Tychicus to work alongside the Colossians, to encourage them as they press on with Jesus. Aristarchus is a fellow prisoner with Paul – he is suffering because of their gospel partnership. Mark, Barnabas, Justus are described as fellow-workers. Epaphras is working hard for them and for other believers too. And we know that Luke has disrupted his whole life to travel with Paul on his journeys.

(Slide 9) It is hard to know which order to understand this in – are these believers working so hard with Paul and for the same goal as Paul because of the affection that binds them together, or is the work they are doing together growing them in deep affection? What do you think? Is it the chicken or the egg? That question actually highlights a wonderful truth. When Christians work hard together, when they sacrifice for the gospel together, when they serve and undergo trials and difficulties and joys and hopes together then friendship grows stronger, affection is more tangible, more work gets done, Jesus increasingly becomes the centre of things.  

(Slide 10) We become more and more a genuine Band of Brothers (love this series!) as we work hard with one another in service of the gospel. And as we love one another more then our encouragement will become sharper and more useful in our persona walk with God and our corporate worship as a church family. In fact Paul gives us a brilliant example of this in verse 17 (Slide 11);

“Tell Archippus: “See to it that you complete the ministry you have received in the Lord.”

We don’t exactly know what the specific ministry is but Archippus is mentioned in Philemon as another fellow-soldier for the gospel. Paul here, with real affection for Archippus, charges him with pressing on, with completing the race. I have never ran a marathon and in God’s grace I never will – but I imagine that as you run those 26.1 miles, the cheers of the crowd matter a bit. However, I bet you that you will be looking out for your best friend who said they would wait at the 20 mile mark – and when you are coming up to that point you will run with your head up again, chest out, picking up the pace because your friend is there. And then if you catch their eye and hear their cheers, that will be enough to press on and get those last (and I imagine horrible) 6.1 miles completed.

Paul’s affectionate  yet serious encouragement to Archippus is the model for how we are to grow in speaking into one another’s lives (one of the things friends should do). Serve together, grow in affection and partnership together, then you are in a far better place to say what needs to be said and for that to be a positive and a spur on in a Christian’s race.

Application 2: So here is application 2 (Slide 12) – the goal of friendship matters; serving God together, encouraging one another when going through trials and joys together in that service will grow our love for God and one another. So it is vital that in our friendships we find avenues of gospel service and gospel investment. It is vital that in our church structures ministry areas we allow people to use their gifts together. Speaking matters. Serving matters. How can I help my friends love Jesus? With encouragement.

       3) Help each other love Jesus with our PRAYER

And lastly for today, praying matters (Slide 13). What an example Epaphras is. “He is always wrestling in prayer for you, that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured.” This verse fills me with peace and excitement. I will tell you why in a moment but let me underline the power of prayer by sharing another passage that I was reading in my devotions this week; Jeremiah 29 v 7 “Seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it.” In that passage in Jeremiah how does the city have peace and prosperity – by the prayers of God’s people. Isn’t that amazing – the link is so direct, seek the peace and prosperity of the city, pray to the LORD for it. Prayer is powerful. Let’s go back to Epaphras – he wants God’s people to be mature and fully assured. That is the goal of the Christian life. How does Epaphras go about seeking that goal – by praying for the people of God. Amazing.

So why does that verse fill me with peace and excitement? It is because we are increasingly becoming a church filled with people who pray. Yes there is lots of improvement still needed, yes some of you are missing many chances to grow in this area, but there are many in CCR who regularly and consistently pray. If prayer can result in the peace and prosperity of a city, if prayer can bring about the maturity and assurance of the saints, then if we are a praying church we are going to see growth. We are going to see things happen. We are going to see the goal of people loving Jesus more and more being reached.

I don’t need to say much more on that – it is so clear. Prayer is to play a huge part in our friendships, both when we meet with our friends and when we are apart from them. The best thing you can do for anyone in this church is to pray that they would become mature in Christ and that they would be filled with assurance so that no suffering or circumstance will shake them. That’s application 3 (Slide 14); Both in time with your friends pray together and then in time away from your friends pray for them by yourself.

 

Conclusion

In one of the podcasts I listened to this quote was given (Slide 15); “The depth of friendships in a church is a measure of how deeply that church has received the gospel.” The gospel is wonderful and our friendships are to help us love Jesus more and more.  So here is some Maths as we finish, here are 2 equations to contrast (Slide 16);

Worldly friendship (which helps with getting through life) = Time + exclusive commitment + enjoyment

(Think through the activities this might be limited to in Life Groups this week)

 

Gospel friendship (which helps us to love Jesus more) =       Time + serving together (trials and joys) + prayer

(Think through the activities this might open up in Life Groups this week)

 

Can I urge you all the way Paul urged Archippus, to take these things deep into your thinking this week, to pray about them a lot, to evaluate your friendships and then to allow the gospel friendship equation to help you take some God-glorifying, affectionate, encouraging, prayerful steps forward in love for one another and in service of our rescuing King.

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England

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