The blueprint for friendship - John 15

This is a sermon by Peter Birnie from the Riverside Church service on 8th September 2024.

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The blueprint for friendship (John 15)

Intro: (Slide 1) “Done quickly, done well, done cheaply. You can pick 2 out of the 3 but it is impossible to have all 3.” Have you heard a builder or DIY enthusiast say that to you before? We find it very hard to accept that we can’t have it all (Slide 2). We live in a culture that wants it all, all of the time, and as a result there is both confusion and longing everywhere we look. This is especially true in the vital area of friendships. One of the most insistent and loudest messages our culture is preaching at the moment is “You do you.” Be an individual, express yourself, be confident and independent and edgy if you like. And yet at the same time as “you do you” there is this deep desire for perfect friendships that satisfy and fulfil, friendships like those in TV programmes like “Alexa & Katie”, or in the classic sitcom “Friends” (making a comeback amongst the younger generation). We rightly long for genuine depth in our relationships. We want to love and be loved.

(Slide 3) But here is the problem. We might want it all, but we cannot have it all. We are sold on the individualistic, express yourself model (filled with self-protection) and yet we long for unrealistic perfection in our relationships to others. We want it all – and yet we aren’t actually prepared to do much to make it all happen. For example we want to be able to decide at the last minute to not go to something we have agreed to go to (you do you) and yet we also feel cheated when our friendships don’t seem to be deep and fulfilling (we aren’t actually prepared to pay the cost that either position demands).

And here is the even worse problem. This isn’t just in our culture, it is in our church (Slide 4). Friendships are not nearly as deep as they should be even within good local churches who desire to have Jesus Christ at the very centre of everything they do. They are not as deep as they should be because either we don’t realise the cost that has to be paid for this depth or, even worse, we simply aren’t prepared to pay that cost. Listen to the cost of friendship according to Jesus;

(Slide 5) “My command is this: love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Christian friendship is at the cost of self – Christian friendships are Christlike and so by definition they require the laying down of one’s life, they require sacrifice and service, they require you very much not to ‘do you’. My prayer as we work through this short series is not only for CCR to accept this as true but for us to put it into practice more and more and then to begin to reap the huge benefits and blessings that God has designed to come with obedience in this key area that will affect and impact every area of our lives.

 

             1) Friendship with God is incredibly close and deeply costly

 

(Slide 6) We must firstly understand that friendship with God is the basis for real friendship with others and that this friendship with God is incredibly close and deeply costly. How close are we talking? In John 15 Jesus explains it as;

  • Union with Christ (Slide 7). We are “in Christ” and are to remain in Christ. There is no closer possible relationship. This is mysterious and deep and yet it is true all the same. This is all the more amazing following Exodus 19 and all the warnings the Israelites were given to not even touch the mountain or they would be put to death. If you are trusting in Jesus then there is no closer relationship you could have with God. He loves you and has brought you so close to him that the only way it can be properly described is as unity. United with him, one with him. Part of the vine. (So, that being a fact, that being our position, then our relationships with other believers who are also united with God as part of the vine should match up to that in practice. Our positional close intimate friendship with God should work out in practical intimate close friendships with God’s people.)

 

  • How is this closeness expressed? Through sharing life with God (Slide 8). Read verse 15. Jesus calls us friends and shares his life with us, makes everything known to us. There are no protective barriers here, there is no area Jesus keeps separate. What an incredible privilege this is for God himself to make himself known to us. (So our friendships demand a level of honesty and vulnerability that is very rare in this world. We are to be people who open up and shares our worst as well as our best with others. We are to have friendships where others can see what we are really like – friendship is sharing your life, making yourself known to others.)

How costly is this genuine friendship? (Slide 9) Well, Joel and Rachael recently got married, but would Joel have actually got Rachael to the altar if, when he got down on 1 knee, all he had to offer was a copper washer instead of a diamond wedding ring. Well, maybe (since Rachael is so understanding) but the reason a precious ring is offered is because it points to the value of the bride. And so when it comes to friendship with God and godly friendship with others, the cost is going to be very high, since something very precious is being purchased.

 

  • The cost of friendship with God is the blood of Jesus (Slide 10). Jesus laid down his life for his friends. It took the cross, it took God in flesh to be put to death in our place to reconcile us to God, to achieve this union with Christ, to allow us to have communion with him. Friendship with God requires deep forgiveness and redemption and nothing less that the blood of Jesus could do that.

 

  • And so, if we are going to be Christian friends to one another it is going to involve cost, it is going to require forgiveness, in short it will mean our lives are to be laid down for the good of each other (Slide 11). This is the absolute opposite of you doing you, protecting areas of your life – this is taking your guard down, allowing people to disrupt your life, spending your time and energy and emotional capacity on one another.

 

I have deliberately used a lot of my time in this sermon on the introduction and this key first point, all really leading up to this vital question to every single believer in this room or watching online, are you ready for it …..?  Are you a friend like that to anyone? (Slide 12) Why is that such a vital question? Because, as we go through these 4 sermons on friendship, it will be so easy to sit back, look around, critique the friendship that others offer you, and end up dissatisfied and more self-centred than we might have been at the beginning.

But that is the opposite of the gospel isn’t it? God did not sit back and wait for us to up our game before spending the blood of Jesus on us did he? We were unlovable and detestably unfriendly towards him, in fact the bible describes us as being enemies of God, rebels against his loving rule. And yet, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. So for believers, for Christians already brought into friendship with God, filled with his Spirit, enabled by resurrection power to follow Jesus, the way we are to approach the deep challenge of John 15 is to allow this question to challenge us and spur us to action; “Are you a friend like that to anyone in your life?”

Are you deliberately fostering closeness and intimacy with your Christian brothers and sisters, letting others see you for who you really are (or are you wearing a mask that keeps people at a distance where they might not really know you and where you might never have to change?). Are you actively seeking to share your life with people in this church family, bearing one another’s burdens, spending your energy on caring for and loving others (or is it protect, protect, protect?)?

 

                   2)  Friendship with God must bear noticeable fruit

I hope that what is happening right now among us is that a desire to be a Christlike friend is growing. Imagine how we would shine as a church family filled with Christlike friends!  But I understand the depth of this challenge and so I wonder how many of us are asking right now, How can I be a friend like that? The short answer is that if Jesus didn’t change us and empower us then we wouldn’t have a chance, and the slightly longer answer is that we can be filled with hope and eager anticipation of seeing real friendship flower because we are a bunch of branches. He is the vine that is filled with life and we are the branches through whom this life is bursting out in beautiful fruit. How can I be a friend like that? (Slide 13) Because friendship with God must bear noticeable fruit.

 

The rest of this sermon today is 2 pictures, (Slide 14) one of a fruitful vine and the other of Dungannon swimming pool that we were in a lot when we visited family over the summer. Our friendships are to bear loads of the beautiful fruit of love. And our friendships are to have real depth. (Slide 15) Look at the lovely fruit of our friendship with God that Jesus talks about in verses 10-13. Remaining in a love-filled relationship with God leads to fulness of joy, both Jesus’ joy and our joy. Again this is simply incredible – the triune God doesn’t need us, Father, Son and Holy Spirit eternally satisfied and fulfilled, and yet God finds joy in friendship with us. And through that friendship fills us with the joy we long for and can’t find anywhere else.

This is one of the great attractions of  obeying God’s call in the area of friendship – it will bring with it a joy that nothing else can bring. Self-protection cuts us off from people and allows us to spend our time, money, energy and attention on ourselves. Human wisdom says that will make us happy, that will satisfy. But we haven’t been made for that sort of life, in reality that selfishness causes us to shrivel up; rather than the juicy, nourishing, delicious fruit of love being produced, dryness and disappointment is all that can be seen. Let us not miss out on the joy that God commands us to have.

This is so serious that Jesus gives us major warnings in John 15. If we are resistant to this fruit that we have been attached to the vine for, if we are deliberately disobedient in this area, if we don’t want the fruit that Jesus has brought us into friendship for then what (Slide 16)?

  • This points to the danger of being cut off and burned
  • It fails to point people to the glory of God (genuine friendship amongst God’s people is one of the most practical ways of witnessing to God’s character – that’s why even the way we do events now we focus on people seeing the church family in action)
  • It prevents us from having a completeness to our joy
  • It leaves the people of God impoverished (we all need people ready to lay their lives down for us)

(Slide 17) So however else we respond to God’s word today, let us not resist what he wants to do in our hearts. Instead let us begin to pray deeply about friendship, and let us take steps towards deeper relationships with one another this week.

 

              3) Friendship with one another is to have real depth

We need friendships that have real depth (Slide 18). In Dungannon there is a swimming pool with a 3.5m deep end and our kids absolutely loved jumping and diving in, there was something about depth that made it far more exciting. (Slide 19) Our friendships are not to stay shallow, they are to be deep and exciting. We will be looking at this far more in the weeks to come but Jesus gives us the measure of this depth in verse 17; “This is my command: love each other.” That is a very high bar – we naturally assume friendships should be easy and comfortable, Jesus says instead, no they are to be deep. They are to reach the standard of love.

 

There are many reasons for this but one of the biggest of all, the obvious requirement for depth is in verses 18-25; “You do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” People need to belong – since we belong to Jesus we do not belong to this world. And so for our whole Christian lives here we will feel out of place with the world. This is not our home and so boy do we need to experience ‘belonging’ through deep Christian friendships, ‘belonging’ in this church family.

 

 

 

Conclusion

Often in the Christian life we take our hats off to those who are very bold in evangelism, or who have very detailed and deep knowledge of the bible. Both great things. But perhaps what is being set in front of us today is even more challenging than either of those 2 and should provoke deep awe and respect in us for when we see it lived out well. It is tough to be a good friend, but it is godly to be a good friend, it is a non-negotiable of discipleship. (Slide 20) We are friends with God forever because of the blood of Jesus – let us bow before our maker and redeemer and plead for his help so that we obey in this key area and so that as a result we are blessed with joy and richness and hope – so that we increasingly love each other the way Christian friends should.

Today’s sermon John 15 “The Blue-print for Friendship”

Intro: Cultural confusion and longing

 

  • Friendship with God is incredibly close and deeply costly

 

How close?

  • Union with Christ (our practice should match our position)

 

  • Sharing life with God (friendship means honesty and intimacy)

 

How costly?

  • The blood of Jesus (God’s friendship with us meant the cross)

 

  • Lives laid down (Discipleship is following Jesus)

 

Are you a friend like that to anyone? How can we be friends like that?

 

  • Friendship with God must bear noticeable fruit

 

The fruit of love;

  • Love for God that leads to fulness of joy (v1011)

 

  • Love for one another that bears the marks of Jesus (v1213)

 

What does resistance to this fruit risk?

  • Cut off and burned
  • Failing to point others to God’s glory
  • Missing out on completeness of joy
  • Leaving us impoverished

 

Friendship is a gift that is there to bring great blessing!

 

  • Friendship with one another is to have real depth


The measure of this depth: LOVE

 

The need for this depth: BELONGING

 

 

 

Memory verse: John 15 v 12-13

“My command is this: love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

 

Life Group questions:

Read John 15 v 1-17

  • How much did our friendship with God cost and how close a relationship is it? (What does being “in Christ” mean?) Are you a friend like that to anyone (how can we be)?
  • What is the main fruit that God is looking for in our relationship with him and his people? How is loving someone different to “naturally clicking with someone”? How should this impact CC Riverside?

Read John 15 v 18-25

     3. Why do we need Christian friends (think about “belonging”)?

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